Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
