somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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