I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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