i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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