Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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