Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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