Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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