I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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