plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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