I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
