Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
