We're facebook friends in real life
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
