that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
