Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
