I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
