did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
