I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
