I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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