he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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