if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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