i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
