we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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