who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
