I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
