This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
