i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
