did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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