We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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