i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
