mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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