I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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