Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
