no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
