Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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