i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
