The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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