fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
