Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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