just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i believe in u and ur pee
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
