Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just gargled with NyQuil
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
