You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
