I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
