at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
