i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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