i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
