Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
