M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You smell like stripper and shame
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
