**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
