just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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