My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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